


Thoughts from the Twenty-First

by writerforlife



Category: Travelers (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Gen, Multiple Pov, this is me sorting through feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2018-10-17 20:36:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10601772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writerforlife/pseuds/writerforlife
Summary: Leaving the future in the past, adjusting to the twenty-first century, and completing missions to save their future - all easier said than done.Character studies for Marcy, Trevor, Philip, Trevor, and MacLaren for all twelve episodes.





	1. Marcy//3469

**Author's Note:**

> I watched this show on a whim, and wow!! I was immediately hooked. I thought it would be interesting to explore each character's internal state during each episode. All chapters are finished, so I will post every other day. I would really appreciate any feedback - as when I attempt anything new, I'm nervous about characterization and style. Hope everyone enjoys!

I.

 

You arrive. You’re the first of your team.

_ Hello, twenty first.  _ You do as you were trained to do, then go home to sleep. It was easy since you practiced fighting those men a thousand times. This time just counted, but you had never been swayed by pressure. 

_ I like this body _ , you think as you fall asleep. 

You like David, too. You wonder exactly what your relationship is when he averts his eyes. You like your clothes, you like nature. Yes, your work will be difficult, but the twenty-first isn’t half bad. 

You don’t realize something is wrong until David and the doctor are floored by your reading of a few simple sentences. Then you learn the truth: all the information you learned was fake.  _ Shit _ . Your head suddenly hurts, and when you nod, the world turns black and your body jerks.  _ Seizure _ , you think briefly. You can recognize these things as a medic. 

You wake up in a hospital and realize you’re going to die. 

_ I’ll make the best of the time I have _ . There’s still a mission to complete. When David questions you, you kiss him. Partly because you want him to stop talking, and partly because you haven’t kissed anyone in a long time. 

You meet the others. Seeing them in pictures was one thing, but Philip is more composed than you expected, Carly more fierce, Trevor more serious. That’s what another mind occupying the body can do, you suppose.

Your leader arrives. MacLaren. 

It’s time to begin. 

 

II.

 

_ I’m handling it.  _ That’s what you tell MacLaren about your host, because that’s all he needs to know. It doesn’t impede your ability to complete missions, as illustrated when you successfully assist in getting the anti-matter. You even volunteer to bring it to the other team leader. 

Your situation is not one that you want to expand upon or share with the others. You never have been good at answering to others. 

Except David keeps wanting answers. About the FBI agent who contacted him, about her seizures, about who she is. She gives him a half-truth to sustain him, and tells him there will come a time where she will need someone to trust. All businesslike. 

He wants you to go to the hospital, and to get out of that one, you reveal a little bit of the future. It really isn’t proper, but you can’t have doctors breathing down your neck. You do let him talk you into carrying a cellphone. The weight of it in your pocket is… comforting. Not at all like the leash you expected it to be. 

Of course David calls when Philip electrocutes himself and you have to perform CPR.  _ He needs to fix this problem _ . Later, she tells Philip the truth about her situation and says she will help handle his. They share something now.

After the mission, you go home to David. You never really had anyone to go home to, so when he hands you a cup of tea, you agree to go to the hospital, surprising even yourself.

 

III.

 

Out of the entire team, you get along with Philip best. There’s something incredibly understandable and relatable about him, so you don’t mind the little bartering system you have going on - he got you your MRI results, and you’re weaning him off of heroin. Strange, yes, and not what you expected to be doing as a doctor in the twenty first, but still noble. He’s a friend.

So that’s why you should have noticed his depression and growing dissatisfaction. 

You did have your own distractions - Carly’s ex coming to David about you beating up the thugs outside the library.  _ Jeff’s an imbecile _ , you think. David wants you to leave, but you know that you need to be here. A plan is a good thing to have, and plus, you won’t last long enough to be a bother. A few months or so, unless you can save your own life. 

Anyways, you don’t realize how deeply Philip was feeling until you’re digging in a basement to find bones. Until he’s screaming and protecting a child who should have died. Until he’s on the floor.  _ Shit _ . 

Trevor hauls him from the house and you scrub his blood from the floor. No trace can be left, or they would know.  _ How could he do this? _

You understand when he rambles, chest heaving, and you see the wall. You heal the bullet wound, angry that you’re resurrecting him for a second time. 

_ Don’t worry _ , you think, trying to come up with a plan. You will think of one. Steady. Sure. As a doctor, that’s what you have to be, so that’s what you will be. 

 

IV.

 

You’ve learned that nothing good is to come when someone calls you, requests your presence, tells you it’s urgent, and asks you to bring a medical kit. You pick up Carly and find MacLaren with a group of injured travelers. They look rougher than your team, more experienced, but you have the upper hand as the only medic in the room. 

Soon enough, you face a choice: save Luca, or save Carter. If you took them to a hospital, you could save both, but they had to be obstinate criminals. 

You want to use Carter’s blood to save Luca, but Hall says no.  _ Stupid.  _ His pride and foolishness would cost him two team members in place of one. You understand that it’s a hard decision to make, but you aren’t in the mood to be nice when there are two dying men lying in the room. You end up saving Luca, only feeling a twinge of guilt. Sometimes, you can’t save everyone. It still stings.

Carly’s ex shows up at your door when you go home. He’s most definitely the last person on Earth you expected or wanted to see. You can see off the bad that he is horribly insecure and feels like he owns every woman he encounters, her included. You’re surprised he isn’t dead yet, since Carly’s involved. She’s never let men tell her what to do or who to be. You channel her and ignore him, going back to Hall and Luca. 

You discover that Luca has night terrors. You can’t help but ask him about the future - past. Your brother had night terrors. That’s one of the few things you know about him, and you cling to it every day. Being separated from him was the moment you knew your childhood was over. Maybe it was your brother. But you would never know, thanks to Hall calling Protocol 2. You try to find out more later, but you can’t pin down any solid information. 

Later, you stare at a photo of you and David. You haven’t had family in a long time. You aren’t sure if you’re the type of person who can have a family, given your lifestyle and past. Those thoughts evaporate when you hear his footsteps approaching the door. He’s humming to himself - horribly off-key. 

You smile. 

 

V.

 

You’re knocked unconscious in a car accident. 

When you wake up, you scan your environment. Clinical. Detached. Carly, Trevor, and Philip are with you. MacLaren isn’t. Your phone is gone. Your wrists are tied. Clearly, everyone is in danger.

And your neck hurts like hell. 

There’s nothing you can do to fix any of those problems, and that bothers you more than anything. The most you can do is talk Philip through withdrawal. He has all the symptoms - shaky hands, sweating, the usual - and you know he can’t be comfortable. 

Your captors give him heroin. Too much.  _ Way _ too much. You can see progress being undone as the drugs flow into his bloodstream. And it keeps flowing. You protest and scream, because he will undoubtedly die if they give him more and you will not lose a patient and a friend sitting only a few feet away, but it does nothing.

They wheel you away. Put you in front of a TV. Ask questions. You’ve been trained for this, though. Resisting is easy - that is, until they show David receiving a call from you that you never made. Until they show Philip being shot point-blank.

_ Shock. Dangerous,  _ you think before having a seizure.

They return you. He’s alive. Your frazzled brain stirs with this new information.  _ What can we trust here? _

Carly and MacLaren get everyone out. He tells you that David noticed that you were missing. Your heart twinges.

Later, as he dozes off on the couch, you wonder what would happen if you told him everything. Everything he didn’t know. Would he hate you? Probably. Could you risk that? Could you risk exposure?

Definitely not. 

 

VI.

 

The others are worked up about the Helios mission, but you can’t find the capacity to be too concerned. You’re dying anyways. You’ll save the others, starting with a medicine that will prevent the total shutdown of their nervous systems. Trevor leads everyone in prayers. You bow your head but keep your eyes open. There’s not much that can save you now. 

You call David. You shouldn’t have, but you do. There are a lot of things you shouldn’t have and should have done when it comes to him. If it turns out your birth doesn’t happen, you don’t want him to spend the rest of his life wondering what happened to you. This is all of your own volition, and he needs to know that. 

The mission passes in a flash, it seems. Injections. Gunshots. Antimatter. Delaney. Everything you were briefed about bursts into existence in the form of problems and solutions. Your team is effective, brilliant, even. You’re honored to be a part of changing history, 

It ends with the detonation of the antimatter. Everyone survives. You breathe out for the first time in hours, it seems. As everyone else chatters, there’s only one thought in your head:

You’ll be returning to him. 

 

VII.

 

You’re bored, so you cut yourself open. Not violently. Just surgery. You have to save your own life, and this is the best way to do it. 

When David finds you, you think he’s mad about the mess. That’s the logical conclusion. His eyes dart over the blood and he runs a hand through his beard. He does that when he’s agitated. You’ve noticed. But why is he agitated? You try to tell him you’ll clean up the blood, and you think that will be that, but he’s concerned about you.

Fascinating. 

When he performs a spinal tap on you, you realize how different the Marcy he knows is from Traveler 3569. You didn’t think twice before performing surgery. It didn’t matter that things weren’t perfect. You made do and made the best of the situation. He’s used to hospitals and sterile tools and blood in contained spaces. 

Again, fascinating. 

When another mission comes, you’re glad and sorry at the same time.

 

VIII.

 

When David comes home upset, you automatically worry. He’s never upset. But then he tells you about his job and anger surges through you. You never wanted him to suffer for you. He’s having Ken over for dinner, which may work, but you have a contingency plan of your own. 

Ken comes to dinner and you greet him. The blatant confusion you see warms your heart. You act witty. Talkative. Intelligent. Everything the prior Marcy Warton could never have been. It satisfies you even more when MacLaren drops by and makes your work seem super top-secret and important. Not that it isn’t, but you enjoy it more when you can flaunt it for David’s benefit. 

It doesn’t work, though. David still loses his job, so you go into action. 

Slapping a wad of cash onto Ken’s desk feels a bit like bribery, but you’re not above it. Because deep down, you aren’t Marcy Warton. You’re Traveler 3569. You like the idea of Marcy, of being the type of girl David could… well, you know he feels things for you, but they’ll fade with time. You’re an idea. He doesn’t know the half of it. At least you can help him keep his job. 

Strangely enough, you feel like you’re taking a break from your true life when you go to condemn Donner.  _ When did David become important as all this? _

 

IX.

 

David wants you gone. But it’s not for the reasons you expected.

_ He likes me _ . You tell yourself to hush. It isn’t like you’re a teenage girl and have time to dream about handsome men. Even if that handsome man is named David and has been there for her since the first day. 

So you act like the independent, highly trained, highly educated survivor you are and suck it up. Besides, you weren’t supposed to get close to anyone you didn’t have to get close to. 

Looks like you failed spectacularly.

When you go to pack up your boxes, he says this was harder than he expected.

Hard?

Hard is knowing that you’re dying. 

Hard is buying time to complete missions you don’t know will accomplish anything.

Hard is acting like there’s nothing wrong.

You’re through with hard.

You tell him that you’re dying. You tell him that you have feelings for him, too. You kiss him. You want to travel back in time again, and again, and again to relive this moment. 

But you have to leave. MacLaren is in danger, and a plane will crash. You will have to be a doctor, be the savior. 

Easy. 

You resuscitate Kat (you understand why he protected her now, you really do) and Bishop and stare out at the plane. 

You may have another life to save, soon.

 

X.

 

You’re going to save MacLaren for three reasons. 

One. You’re dying. This team couldn’t survive with no leader and no medic. So you clean yourself up and scrub in. 

Two. MacLaren sacrificed himself.  _ Idiot,  _ you think as you peer at him. Internal damage. External damage. It all adds up to one big mess for you to clean up. You check out his pancreas, though, work alongside some of the best doctors.

Three. He cared for them. He helped them all. His position at the FBI was a valuable asset. They needed him.

So you will save him. 

You are confident here. Sure-handed. When she was in scrubs, there was very little you couldn’t do. With the help of the nanites, you rebuild MacLaren from the rubble. Cut the new heart out of Trevor. Accept the congratulations from the doctors.

And ignore the growing fear when the doctors tell her that they would help you if they could. You tell them it’s fine. You accept what is to come. But you can’t help but feel that it’s coming soon. 

At least you saved a life on your way out.

 

XI.  
  


You’ve been dying from the beginning, but you cheated. You’re good at that, cheating. It’s almost like being a medic - every time you save someone, you cheat death. Figures death would catch up to you first. 

David takes you to the hospital. 

It’s hard to believe that you’re here, after last night. It had been a long time since you felt beautiful. It wasn’t a priority, where you came from. Survival, shelter, and yourself. Pretty was for people who wanted to die, or worse. It had also been a long time since you felt something else, a word too weighty to throw around when you could die at any moment. You were glad you felt it with him.

David also gets you out of the hospital. You appreciate it, you really do, but you have to go. He can’t know the weight of the decision you’ll have to make, nor the consequences. You decide this when Grace tells you what she could do to save your life, and for the first time, you think death may be better than this.

You wouldn’t have hesitated weeks ago. That was before him, though. Before you knew what you knew now. Yes, she would be Marcy, as everyone keeps telling you, but you would be a different Marcy. You already hated that girl. 

You aren’t even Marcy now, though. You forget that. You’re Traveler 3569, and you have a mission. The mission comes first. 

You want to see David. 

But the universe cheats you, and then you cheat death, and then -

You’re not where you expected to be.

Marcy Warton died in a library You’re in an apartment surrounded by four people with sad expressions. 

The oldest man welcomes you to the twenty-first century. He’s your team leader. This is your team. This is the apartment of the man you live with. David. You’re close, as MacLaren says. You can trust him. David.

And when David walks in, his sadness is almost a tangible thing, and you think,  _ Who is this man? _

 

XII.

 

David is David. You soon learn that.

David is someone who makes you tea. David is not a reporter. David is someone who tries very hard not to look at your chest. David won’t tell you if they were intimate.

But when you kiss David, it feels right. You want to do it again, but he looks so broken that you think it’s best that you not. 

Being around your team is strange. You don’t know them, but they know you. Philip in particular looks at you sadly. Tells you that you’re different now. Less fragile. Seeing as that past-Marcy helped him with his little heroin problem, you can believe that. 

But you can’t believe David. 

Even when you’re driving out to deal with a possibly mission-altering problem, you think about him. How he helped you stay alive, how he did medical things without training. All for you. Only one emotion was that strong, and you don’t have the bravery to put a name to it. That, at least, feels familiar. 

You were right to save him. No matter the repercussions, you were right. Had he been killed, no, executed, you wouldn’t have been able to live with yourself. 

And when people storm the building with guns, you’re worried about yourself, about Trevor, about the past you were sent to rebuild and the Director (who’s coming), but there’s a name that haunts her. 

_ David.  _

You put your hands above your head. 


	2. Trevor//0015

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The series from Trevor's point of view

I.

 

The first thing you do when you arrive is concede a fight. It’s easy to step aside. 

It’s not what your host would have done. 

Everyone passes off the personality change as an effect of a concussion. Apparently this kid doesn’t thank his mother or feel responsible enough to hold onto a football scholarship… whatever that is. And you have a girlfriend who thinks the cure to a concussion is intercourse. And your host never went to school. It isn’t more than you can handle, but overall, you feel slightly… alarmed. 

But you adjust. There’s a mission.

When you pull Grant MacLaren away from an open elevator shaft, you feel a sense of anticipation. The twenty-first is fascinating, as are your team and newly arrived leader. You’re the youngest, ironically, but that won’t stop you.

It’s time to begin your true fight. 

 

II.

 

Since you had time to tinker (as Trevor Holden, you can get away with not doing homework - the teachers barely blink when you don’t offer an assignment), you built communication devices for the entire team. It was an entertaining process, and it was nice to have the resources to build something. Engineering was both a job and a hobby for you. Now, it’s a means to save the world.

If lives weren’t at stake, the anti-matter would be fascinating to study. You have to get to work securing it, though. You buy forty hours for everyone to think and act, but you have to go home because you’re seventeen. 

Seventeen. Young enough to go to school in body. Old enough to have travelled from centuries in the future.  _ Strange.  _

There are so many things you  _ didn’t _ miss about being seventeen, though. Your mother almost walks in on one of them. When you were seventeen in your original body, it was exciting. A sign of growing up. This time, it’s more of a hassle. You take care of the situation in almost a detached manner. There are other things to worry about. Like the leader of the team who was supposed to receive the antimatter being dead. 

You try to calm everyone down, remind them that the director will replace the team leader, suggest extending the life of the anti-matter. You’re an engineer through-and-through, and if you need to be calm, that’s what you’ll be. 

Even when Philip nearly kills himself.  _ What is wrong with him? _ you think as Marcy pumps life back into him. You release a breath you didn’t know you were holding when he begins to breathe again. There isn’t time to worry, though. You can’t make another power supply. 

Carly wants to drive it out of time, but Philip - freshly revived - suggests returning it.  _ Why didn’t I think of that? _ That’s what you do, and while Delaney points a gun at you at first, but you’re able to safely contain it. You look like a genius because this technology doesn’t exist here, and your team members don’t know their way around it like you do. 

You were just doing your duty.

 

III.

 

Trevor Holden isn’t supposed to be a nice person. You don’t see the point of acting like that, so you don’t. Life is too fragile to be unkind, so you don’t bother with it, even if it’s an act. 

Your girlfriend is not a nice person, either. You wouldn’t have minded having a girlfriend if she was nice. As it is, Rene shoves people off lunch benches and breaks their phones. You help the girl to her feet and offer to pay for her phone. It’s the least you can do. You just wish people would stop being surprised when you act kind. 

Philip, he’s kind. Sensitive to everything in the world. You can relate to that. You like seeing nature and walking in the park and talking to people. But you know where the line is drawn. You’re a traveler first, a spectator second. It isn’t your place to save lives that weren’t meant to be saved. 

Philip tricks you all into saving a child, though. You keep watch, but when you hear gunshots, you rush into the house, not knowing what to expect. You find Philip on the floor, blood pouring from his stomach.  _ No _ . You lift him up, and he’s lighter than you expected. 

His blood spills onto you. 

When you return to the garage, he’s convulsing and delirious. You follow Marcy’s instructions precisely and hold his shaking body down. Sweat and blood slicks your hands. 

It’s not just the gunshot wound. You can tell something else is hurting him. You discover it when you see the wall.  _ Somebody needed to be there for him _ .

_ Why is he so determined to die? _

So later, you bring food to the garage and sit down with him. He seems more resigned and barely even looks at the wall. It hurts in a strange way. 

You look at the wall because he can’t. In a morbid way, it’s beautiful.

After a moment, you see something you regret. A person you know. 

_ No.  _

You understand Philip, now. 

 

IV.

 

The knowledge you gained from Philip’s wall gnaws at your brain, but you try your best to push it away. It’ll be what it’ll be, right? You try to accept that. It’s easy enough to forget when half the schools looks at you like you have two heads when you can’t throw some oblong ball properly - a football, so you’re told. How can throwing a ball equate with popularity?

Later, you meet with Grace and your parents about the grades. Seeing her, your hands twitch. It’s so preventable. So unnecessary.  _ But it’s what was supposed to happen in the universe. Who am I to change it? _

You want out. So you promise to focus on your grades and quit football, then you leave. Of course it was easy to you, but your father looks like you ripped his heart out and were standing with the bloody organ in your hands. Caring about that is too much to handle, especially when you have to fix an unfixable component for some fellow travelers, who are much angrier than you expect you. Philip helps you, and you notice his hands have stopped shaking. Despite your work, Hall snaps and calls your team tourists. Carly is the one who stands up for everyone, but you can’t help thinking that he’s right.

When everything is figured out and set right (for now), you shut yourself into your bedroom and study science. You could probably pass without the reading, but it gives you something to do, at least. 

You expected the twenty-first to be different. 

 

V.

 

You ask Carly if she still would have travelled to the twenty-first if she knew the risks.

That’s what you remember when you wake up tied to a wheelchair. Carly’s awake, Marcy and Philip are slumped over, MacLaren is nowhere to be seen, and your communication devices are gone. Brilliant. The cut on your cheek throbs, and not for the first time, anger flashes through you like a lightning storm. 

You’ve had a lot taken from you in your life. You lost all your family, all your friends, and outlived them all. You didn’t know how it worked, but if the afterlife was sorted by time, you wouldn’t even be with them in death. Seeing the blood on Carly’s face, Marcy’s pain, and Philip’s quiet desperation hurts more than any of that. 

You weren’t going to lose any of them. 

They're taken away one-by-one, and you shout whatever comes into your head at your captors. When each one comes back looking worse for the wear, your anger grows. The twenty-first wasn’t supposed to be like this. Yes, you knew that the corruption and awful conditions in your time had to have stemmed from somewhere, but you had hoped to avoid much of it. You realize it was a foolish idea. Cruelty, hunger for power, and desire never changed. 

They finally take you. You make it your goal to be as obstinate as possible, and judging by your captor’s frustrated reaction, it works.  _ Good _ . 

You want out. Out of the wheelchair, out of the darkness, maybe even out of your body.  _ No. I don’t want that. There’s still work to do.  _

MacLaren comes, and you set your anger aside for your mission. 

If you had known about the dangers, would you still have come? You think about that often. Death, heartbreak, and pain are around every corner, but sometimes, you hear birds singing and see green grass or a glint of sunshine reflecting from golden hair. It’s not much, but it’s enough. Maybe it will be enough for the future, too.

 

VI.

 

There are times where you truly don’t understand the twenty-first, such as when Gary insists that your mother change her dress. It’s completely unnecessary and sexist, but you always knew that the twenty-first wouldn’t be the best place to find people educated in the subtleties of gender and sexuality. You just hoped your family would be more progressive. 

There’s no time to ponder any of that, because Helios is here. You pray with the rest of the team. The words come to you easily. Saying this prayer is reflexive - you whisper it to yourself when you’re trying to fall asleep at night. It reminds you who you are and what you’re making so many sacrifices for. 

You work with Philip during some of the mission, and he’s steady for once. How much heroin did he take to achieve that?  _ Problem for later.  _ The fate of the future is priority right now. You work with that in mind.

When you flee the plant, you see flashes of what you left behind in your mind for the first time since you arrived in the twenty-first. The starvation. The corruption. The terrible air and odor. Maybe you fixed some of it.

But there’s no way to know. 

 

VII.

 

Back in your time, immorality was inevitable. You were never a saint, but you didn’t take something that you absolutely didn’t need. Because who knew? Someone else could have needed it more, and if you were getting by, still alive, it wasn’t an absolute necessity. Honesty was better than cheap pleasure.

Evidently, Rene doesn’t feel the same way. She tries to steal clothes without a second thought, and maybe it’s just aftereffects of the big mission, but when you apologize and pay for the clothes, you swear the cashier tells you that the director wouldn’t be happy. You know that’s improbable, impossible, even, that this woman would know anything. But a lot of impossible things have occurred in your life. 

Afterwards, Rene tells you the truth: she only did this because your host liked it. You feel a little bad, then. Gary acted so demeaning toward your mom, so it made sense that Trevor Holden would have mirrored that behavior. You’re only Trevor in name, so you take Rene to the park. Tell her you feel purposeless. She doesn’t understand. You didn’t expect her to, but now the words aren’t trapped inside of you. 

When you return home, you’re accused of taking your mom’s medication. Yet another mess you have to clean up. You just tell them the truth. For you, it would’ve been enough, but for parents used to Trevor Holden’s dishonesty and disrespect, it’s just fuel to the fire. Gary hits you, and for a moment, anger flares up. He shouldn’t have hit you. 

It’s not worth risking punishment to hit him back. Instead, you leave. You don’t realize where your feet are taking you until you’re three-quarters of the way there. 

You want to be a traveler again. You weren’t made to be a seventeen year-old ex-football star. Philip would understand, you think. He wasn’t supposed to be a drug addict. It’s unlikely that your hosts would have ever crossed paths, but as before, you’re only Trevor in name. 

Before you can ponder any of this too deeply, you and Philip get an alert: there’s a mission. You can’t help but to be relieved. 

 

VIII.

 

You aren’t interested in sex. At least not with this woman on camera. She shouldn’t have to do work like this. You wonder what brought her here and feel pity for her. She’s going to die. 

So you ask her to tell you when she was happiest. 

After she dies, you wonder when you were happiest. If you could ever truly be happy as Trevor Holden. You’re happy when you see all the life this century has to offer, when you’re around people such as Ms. Day, who offers to tutor you after you got caught “cheating” on a physics test (You’re angry that you didn’t get a 100 - getting rusty). She gives you a book to read, and you dread the future even more. 

You aren’t happy when situations like the one with Donner arises and you assemble with your teammates. You know he deserves to be overridden, but making the call is difficult. This is a man’s life. A man who betrayed your cause and jeopardized your existence, but a man nonetheless.

You hear his screams as he’s overridden.

Later, you sit in the garage, composing yourself before going home. You don’t want any questions from Mom or Gary. Everyone else has gone, and the sun is setting. You never knew that the sky could have so many colors all at once. They bathe the garage in soft tones, making everything seem less harsh. 

There are footsteps behind you, and then a weight on your shoulder. Philip’s hand, trembling slightly. Maybe’s it tension leftover from early, or maybe it’s withdrawal. He doesn’t leave it there long enough for you to decide. But he stays. No words are exchanged, but the two of you watch the sun fall before you leave.

On your walk home, you think that you could be happy here. 

 

IX.

 

Military boarding school. You didn’t think three words could strike fear into you, but those ones did a decent job.

Gary’s an asshole. New word. You like it. It’s ugly, but it isn’t like you’ve seen your share of ugly in the world. In fact, you’re trying to fix it. You’re due for a swear every now and then. 

Ugliness won’t fix the boarding school situation, though. 

He hit you before. Nobody who was supposed to be close to him had ever struck him before. You wonder if he hit his son, too. It would explain a lot.  _ Being a teenager is awful _ . 

Gary wants to work on getting close, and you don’t want to have to think of an elaborate scheme to escape going to boarding school. Therefore, golf. Which is interrupted by Philip contacting you in a panic. 

MacLaren’s going to die. Especially if he tries to use to protection device for three people. You try to convince him of that. You don’t think it works.

The four of you arrive at the crash site, and when the plane collides with the ground, Carly takes off running. She intends to go into the fire until she finds any sign of MacLaren. You follow and hold her back. You feel cruel, but it’s necessary. She can’t follow right now.

There’s nobody you would sprint into fire for. You wish there was. Is that good or bad?

Maybe that’s not a decision for now. 

 

X.

 

Pain is temporary. Death is forever. 

MacLaren hangs between life and death. He needs organs and blood and all sorts of surgery. He needs people to provide them. 

You don’t think twice when they put the parasite on your stomach. Well, maybe you think twice. It crawls under your skin. 

The pain comes faster than you expected.

You’ve never been shot, but Philip has. You want to ask him what it felt like. If it felt anything like this. But he isn’t here.

You wish he was. 

When he returns, your world is thrown into chaos. There’s a second heart beating inside your chest, and you need it gone. What a metaphor that is. A second heart. You think your English teacher would appreciate it, and you would develop it more if you weren’t in terrible pain. Say something about love and burden and fighting through the pain for someone.

They cut it out of you and throw you into the closet while MacLaren, Philip, and Carly convince Forbes that nothing was wrong. You cry out and Marcy shushes you. 

Pain is temporary. Death is forever. You saved MacLaren from a long eternity today, but there’s someone else out there who still needs saving. 

  
XI.  
  
  


You’re sick of death. You’re sick of seeing people die. You’re sick of watching humanity corrupt itself while the best meet a terrible fate.

Maybe that’s why you take Grace and tell her everything. 

You’re conflicted as you drive her into the woods. On one hand, you’re blatantly defying protocol. On the other, Grace is a lovely person. A genuinely good soul. There weren’t many like her in the world, so she’s worth preserving, in your eyes. If the Director doesn’t agree… well, you’re no stranger to breaking protocol. 

When she wakes up, you tell her everything. It feels good to let those words leave your lips. There’s not many people here who know who your are, even fewer who truly understand your feelings. Marcy. Philip, maybe. You wonder what he would think of all this. You remember his wall and think he would understand.

But she thinks you’re crazy. She tries to escape. Hits you with a rock. Runs. Drives away. And when the car stops, your heart sinks. You’re no fool. You know. 

The woman who steps out of the car is not Grace.

 

XII.

 

Seems you’re best at stopping fights. You save Grace from the assassin without a single thought otherwise, because you guess that’s who you are. You’ve seen enough people die to let this woman be one more. It’s not the Grace he knew, but this new person is a traveler, which makes her an ally. So you get the girl away and call the team together.

And then you leave them.

You don’t want to, but Grace needs to see Ellis. 

Soon after, everything goes to absolute shit. You should have seen it coming. But all you have to believe in is the original mission and a text message, so you pick up an axe and prepare to defend the mission you came here to complete. 

Destroy. Kill. There’s so much beauty in this world. You still remember your first walk in the park. The trees. The birds. It all seemed like fiction, but it’s real, all of it. 

Including the bullet in your chest.

At first, you don’t believe it. You stumble forward, and then down.

_ The Director’s coming.  _ Did you hear that? Think that?

Marcy’s hands are on your wound. Pressure. Hard.

Philip’s face swims in front of you. Eyes wide. Hands over his head. Facing you. Looking at you. Concern?  _ Fear _ . 

By all accounts, it’s over. 

But you don’t give up.

You’ll keep fighting. 

 


	3. Philip//3326

I.

 

Death and corruption greet you in the twenty-first century.

_ Nothing new.  _

The man next to you dies. Not something you can control. You knew to expect it, but you weren’t fully prepared for dying gasps or the stench of body odor.

So you leave. 

And you’re eventually dragged to the police station and interrogated. You can’t make heads or tails of it, though, because your head is throbbing and you’re sweating and what is that tightness in your chest? 

Suddenly, you’re accused of manslaughter and everything becomes real.

Thankfully, your lawyer is addicted to gambling and you have every race result rattling around in your head. Works out great. 

Then the same detective is chasing him. You go slow, because you know how this ends. It’s too much. Two people dead in a day. Almost like the future. Past? Weird. 

You knew it was going to happen. You knew, and you didn’t stop it. You can’t stop crying, but you have to. No matter how terrible you feel, you have to. This is how it’ll be. You’ll know everything. 

So you know Grant MacLaren is supposed to fall to his death in an abandoned building. You know he won’t, because Traveler 0115, or Trevor, will save him. You know you’ll watch his consciousness be replaced.

And you know you won’t do anything, because the mission comes first. 

 

II.

 

Your first mission seems easy enough: get some anti-matter, hand it off to another team. You volunteer to help with the handoff, as you seem to have the most freedom of the group. No worried parents, no school, no wife, and apparently no friends. You don’t know whether to be upset or elated. 

The anti-matter is in your garage. You should be somewhat worried, but all you can focus on is the terrible ache and need you’re feeling. There’s a mattress on the floor. You lay there, pain crippling, sweat covering your entire body. The fog in your mind is unbreachable, much like the fogs that hung over the various shelters in the future. You need to stop thinking about the future. 

In the morning, nothing’s better. You throw up and consider heroin. Just a little, enough to steady your hands and ease your pain.  _ I wish I was stronger.  _

When you and Marcy try to connect with the leader of the other team, you find him dead. Because nothing can be simple. It’s not like you expected it to be. Hell, you didn’t know what to expect when you signed up to do this. Training was difficult. The memorization was difficult. Why would the actual missions be any different?

You didn’t expect to be addicted to heroin, though. 

Your hands tremble. Electricity jolts through you. You can see the future. You can see everything.  _ Do I want to come back? _

You have no choice. Marcy drags you back, and later, when you’re returning the anti-matter to where it came from, she tells you that your shaking hands are a liability. She also tells you that her host was mentally disabled. They make quite the pair, the two of them, weighed down with problems.  _ Deal with it _ . 

When the mission’s over, you do just that. 

 

III.

 

You go to the funeral of your best friend. The memory of him dying when you first arrived is still fresh, and you think this will help. It doesn’t. His parents scream at you, and you end up leaving feeling worse than you did before. Figures. The worst part is that you’ll remember this forever, because nothing ever fades. 

It’s ridiculous, that most of what you remember is death. When you try to sleep, the names and dates and how they all die swirl around in your head, so much so that you’re almost grateful for the drugs. Ironically, you forget sometimes. You forget how they are all so much more than names - they have families, lives, hopes and dreams. 

You take out a marker.

As you scrawl the names on the wall, you think,  _ Just one _ . Just one. You’ll save one person and that will be that. You choose a little boy. A kidnapping victim. It’s cheating, because the people who kidnap him would go on to kidnap more children, but he’s the person who gives away race results. Cheating comes naturally. 

But you forget again - you’re an addict, now. Just one isn’t an option anymore. Perhaps it’s for the best when the world and your team intervene  because you would’ve tried to save the whole world one person at a time. 

You learn your lesson when they put a bullet in you.  _ I’m going to die _ , you think vaguely. The pain is explosive. Shadows move around you, sounding like Carly and Marcy and Trevor. You’re aware of strong arms pulling you from the ground.  _ Trevor _ . He puts you in the van and doesn’t let go. Your breaths are sporadic, and all you can see is the future. The past. Where you came from. What will be. Even though your body is shutting down, you still remember everything. 

Trevor lays you on a table. Marcy treats you. You live. MacLaren berates you, but he doesn’t understand. None of them do. It isn’t okay.

When you’re healing, Trevor comes and sits with you. That’s okay. He knows somebody on your wall. 

_ Don’t try anything _ , you want to say. _ The director will correct your errors _ . 

You stay silent. 

 

IV.

A gunshot wound is more debilitating than you expected. MacLaren needs help, and you try your best, but the pain is still fresh. It’s a distraction from the withdrawal and depression, at least. You would just prefer a less painful distraction. 

Ray comes by, and you kick yourself for not erasing the walls. He admires your methods and you shrug it off. It’s not like you can tell him that you were trained extensively to remember every detail of every event of every day. Well, you could. He probably would write it off as the musings of an addict. 

Speaking of being an addict, the other travelers aren’t impressed with you or your team.  _ Expected, noted, and deserved.  _ He was telling the truth. You are a junkie. 

You’re also happy to help them leave and finish the mission. Good riddance.

You do wipe away your wall of names, though. It was morbid, anyways. 

Your hands shake as you clean, and afterwards, you know what you have to do before you sleep. 

 

V.

 

You wake up tied to a wheelchair. Head throbbing. Hands shaking. You can see the others.  _ Comfort.  _ You can feel the beginning of withdrawal symptoms coursing through your veins.  _ Concern _ .  

Trevor shouts at their captors, voice loaded with sarcasm. You halfway want to laugh, but that would just make it worse. He asks you to trust him.  _ Why not? _ Marcy, ever the medic, tries to check on everyone. Carly’s forehead drips blood. You stay quiet. Head down, don’t draw attention. It’s what you all were supposed to do in the first place, which completely and utterly failed. 

When they take you, you know what you have to do. You give the bastards history’s best. For history repeats itself time and time again, and you’re trying to change that, you really are, and it would be a lot easier if everyone stayed out of your way. 

They return you, and the withdrawal symptoms are worsening. And despite the screams of your team, you’re really, really grateful when you feel heroin enter your blood. You know it’s bad. You know you should be weaning off of the stuff. But everything hurts and this doesn’t, so it can’t be all bad…

Later, after MacLaren comes, you discuss what happened. You try to forget how you can remember everything, every hellish moment of the future. It’s fading for the others. Not for you. Never for you. But if it will do some good, you’ll remember. You’ll remember for your team, and you’ll keep it to yourself. 

 

VI.

 

Today is the day.

Marcy injects you and the rest of the team with something to prevent your nervous system from malfunctioning. Trevor leads you and the team in prayer, deep voice steady. Your hands don’t shake, because you’ve dosed. Not enough to make you loopy, but enough to make sure today isn’t the day you fail. 

Stopping Helios will save millions of lives. You think of your wall and all the names of all the people who died.  _ We can do something to reduce that number.  _

The mission flashes by in a mixture of passing on intelligence, hacking, searching, and emotions. The people you will save have names and faces, sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, husbands and wives. Ten million sounds big, but break it down to individuals, and each person wants to live. 

You locate Dr. Delaney after searching tirelessly and tracking down her tablet. 

When you know that somebody pressed the button to stop Helios, you hold your breath. If you did this right, there’s a possibility that you won’t exist. You close your eyes. A beat. Two. 

You’re alive.

Does that mean it worked? Or failed?

As MacLaren says, there’s no way to know for sure, and it bothers the hell out of you.  _ Nothing another hit won’t solve _ . You need to be stronger.  _ It’s true, though.  _

 

VII.

 

You’re bored and going through withdrawal. Not a good combination.

It’s not fair, really, you think when you go to buy drugs. Marcy has David, which is obviously distraction enough for her. Carly has her baby. MacLaren has his job and wife. Even Trevor has school and something there. You have nobody.

Ray tells you that you need someone to care about. Girlfriend. Boyfriend. You sigh. You would be fine with either one, but you couldn’t give a partner what they needed in your current state. Truth be told, you’re tired.

You end up with a turtle that you name Poppy. 

And when Ray takes you to an Addicts Anonymous meeting, you fantasize about telling the truth. That’s all it is, though. A fantasy. 

You’re tired and alone. 

Trevor comes while you’re setting up Poppy’s tank. It’s nice, and Ray’s words pop back into your head when Trevor suggests the possibility of them being friends.  _ Ridiculous _ . He needs a place to stay, and you’re more than available. You’re completely isolated from the world in this garage, and you don’t know why someone else would willingly subject themselves to this. 

Your dark thoughts disappear quickly. You have another mission, and yes, you’re tired, but at least you won’t be so alone. Time to go. 

 

VIII.

 

You’re always there to help.

Carly needs a lawyer, you suit up, shoot up (a little), and tie your hair back. She doesn’t make your job easy, screaming at Jeff in front of the judge. You hope she can keep the child, though. He would be better off with her.

Marcy needs cash, so you place a few bets. That one should have been easier. No matter what, your memory is sharp. It has been your one constant in a new world, your comfort and enemy. So when a few results change, you don’t blame yourself. Something is changing. It’s good to see ripples in time, however small. 

MacLaren needs help convicting a rogue traveler. Donner. Although you are generally in favor of life, you understand the need to terminate his involvement with the twenty-first century. You and your team have endangered yourselves too many times to be compromised by someone like Donner. 

Trevor is silent afterwards. Disillusioned. You would’ve thought that to be impossible before, but you recognize the signs. He stares at the sun contemplatively, so you approach him and place a hand on his shoulder. He doesn’t flinch or pull away, but you shake. You don’t touch many people, even if it’s as casual as a hand on a shoulder. He leaves looking calmer.

And yourself? You don’t know what to do. You collapse onto your thin mattress and continue to tremble. The sweating comes next, and your hair and shirt are damp. Eventually, you fall into a fitful sleep.  _ I’m getting stronger.  _

 

IX.

 

You can feel the absence of the drugs.

It’s ironic that you can feel absence. Shouldn’t be possible. A lot of things shouldn’t have been possible, though. Like time travel. And the black box MacLaren brings you.

You can’t figure it out. You don’t know whether it’s withdrawal or stupidity, but it doesn’t matter either way. It’s both mechanical and digital, and you can’t crack it. 

You needs heroin.  _ I need to get clean.  _ You need a fix.  _ I need to listen to the support groups _ . 

You live in a fog. 

A fog that only clears when Carly mentions that MacLaren is on flight 329 to Washington.  _ It’s going to crash, and he’s going to die.  _ And that’s something you know for sure. The director only let him go because it knew MacLaren couldn’t save everyone. 

The four of you drive out to the field where the plane crashes. Your heart pounds.  _ I should have known.  _ You couldn’t have known.  _ You know everything about this time. You should have made sure _ . 

When the plane comes down, you focus on saving Bishop and Kat. It doesn’t surprise you that he didn’t use the device for himself. It doesn’t surprise you when a traveler takes Bishop. Although you feel a dull rush, it doesn’t surprise you when they rush MacLaren away.

Nothing much surprises you, anymore. 

 

X.

 

The others can be at MacLaren’s side all they want. You have a mess to clean up. That’s your job, though. When your team rips open the fabric of time, you stitch it up and cut away any loose ends. Starting with his car. 

But you get stopped by security.  _ Damn.  _ You take care of them. Violence has never been your forte, not in the way it is for someone like Carly, but you will do what is necessary. 

Someone phones in your license and pinpoint MacLaren’s car.  _ Keeps getting better and better.  _ All you know is that you can’t get arrested. What would you do to keep from getting arrested? You ask yourself the question as you run from the police, hands shaking, heart pounding, head throbbing. You need another hit.  _ You need to be stronger.  _

Carly gets you out, and you don’t know what you would do without your team.

Forbes is still coming. It’s always one thing after another, never a moment of rest. You’re exhausted. It runs bone-deep. You could sleep for an eternity and not feel rested. You don’t know what you need.

Your hands shake.

Maybe you do need someone to love. Someone to care for. Someone who would possibly care for you.

_ Everyone you could possibly care about will die or be experimented on if you don’t figure this out.  _

So you help to dress MacLaren and prop him up. Play your role. It’s too easy. Your sarcasm flows easily. Once Forbes leaves, he folds over, and you keep him up. He’s taken care of. 

You look around the garage. You see Carly, Marcy, and Trevor. Your hands shake.  _ Home sweet home, or so they say _ . You’re safe for now, and so are they. 

  
XI.

 

The safety doesn’t last for long. Marcy’s secret catches up with her. It makes you wonder when yours will. Except yours isn’t exactly a secret. Everyone knows that you’re weak. You try to be strong and act like nothing’s wrong. But with each passing day, you feel a little worse. 

Your problems are thrown to the side when you realize why you can’t get ahold of Trevor. Your heart throbs as you call him again, and again, and again.  _ Pick up _ , you will.  _ Please. I know how hard this is. I can help _ . 

When you reach him, his bitter tone betrays the truth. He failed. You feel both relieved and sad at the same time. You only hoped that nobody else on your team would have to face the stark reality 

And after that little blip on the radar, the six of you meet in the farmhouse to discuss Marcy’s future, among other things. MacLaren gives her the choice. You want her to choose to live, for herself and for personal reasons. You don’t have enough friends to lose one. 

You’re back at her apartment when she shrieks. Holds her head. 

You know what’s happening, and you’re afraid for her.  

You wish you could save them all.

 

XII.

 

You saw it coming, but you weren’t prepared. 

Marcy is different. Combative.  _ Less fragile _ , you think.  _ Hardened.  _ She throws the drugs in front of you like an accusation, disappointed and disgusted. You feel the same. Disappointed in the director for putting you in the body of a man completely addicted. Disgusted with yourself for not being stronger. You don’t want to be addicted and wish you could tell her so. But you just promise again to do better.

And then they take your home. 

You don’t have much in the twenty-first, so when you’re forced to flee from your garage amidst a shower of bullets, anger surges through you. That was your home. It’s not like you have a line of people willing to take you in at any moment.

On your way to Ellis’s farm, you remember Poppy.  _ Ray was right _ . You did need something to take care of, and now you may not even have your pet. Little things. 

Your worries fade into the background when you arrive and see the machine, Grace, and Trevor holding an axe, a gun pointed at his chest.  _ Jesus _ . In the next minutes, Carly pulls a gun on MacLaren and Grace spews information about Shelter 41 and the director. 

Your hands shake.

Withdrawal?

Fear?

You don’t know, because for all the thing you remember, you don’t truly remember what it is to be afraid. 

The gun fires, and Trevor’s on the floor. His blood’s on the floor. Just like your damn hands, he’s trembling.

_ He could die.  _ You don’t have enough people to care for to lose one. 

And there’s nothing you could do to stop it, because people are coming. People with guns. You think you’ve had enough of guns. 

So you do what you always do: protect and clean-up. You run and slide across the floor on your knees, chest curled over Marcy and Trevor. His breath is coming in shallow gasps and blood is seeping through Marcy’s fingertips. Blood is worse coming from his chest.  _ It’s okay _ , you want to say.  _ You’ll be okay.  _

But it’s not okay, and for one of the first times this century, you don’t know how this will end. 

 


	4. Carly//3465

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo.... to be honest I forgot I hadn't posted the last two chapters, but when I watched season 2 (which was AMAZING), I realized, so here are the last two chapters!! I may write some fic for season 2, who knows?

I.

 

The first thing you do is make the man who took your host’s life leave. Then, there’s screaming, and you turn around to see an infant.  _ Shit _ . You were never the caregiver and always the soldier.

You search online how to care for a child. It was never something you had to worry about, nor something you thought you would ever have to. You want him with you now. He would know what to do. But you’re no damsel in distress, so you inform Jeffrey who’s boss. You will protect this baby. 

Grant MacLaren comes to your house. He’s charming, pleasant enough, and for a moment, you think he’s who you’re waiting for. But then you see that he’s not. It’s okay, though. He’ll be here soon. In a pretty nice body, not to mention. 

And in the abandoned building, you feel your pulse thrumming as who you’re waiting for arrives. You want to run to him, but you need to be professional. So you give him a welcoming smile and get ready to begin. 

 

II.

 

You can’t take your eyes off him. You tried. You failed. 

You turn off your comm when you’re alone with him. He does the same, and looks at you like he can’t quite comprehend it’s you. You feel the same. Even after studying Grant MacLaren’s body for months, it’s hard to reconcile him with the man you love.

But he asks you if you like older men, a twinkle in his eyes. 

The answer is yes, apparently. 

He kisses you when he drops you off.  _ Come inside _ , you want to say. You would have said it back in your time. When you see something you want, you take it. But times have changed - literally. Instead, you take care of your son.

Being a traveler and a lover and a mom is a difficult balance. You feel as if you’re constantly juggling knives, and if you drop one, you’ll get cut. All you can do is give it your all. Working out helps, as does extensive research on child rearing. 

The mission goes to shit as you and the team decide what to do with the anti-matter. You almost figured things would go like this. There was Philip, much too sensitive for his own good, Trevor, wise yet strangely closed off, and MacLaren, who didn’t like to be told what to do. You like Marcy, as you did back in your time, but she’s different, now. Maybe it’s just the time.  _ I’ll ask her. When it’s the right time.  _

You only remember that you didn’t ask her when you pick up your son from the babysitter, after the mission. The anti-matter was safe. 

You make peace with yourself. Some things do have to slide, after all. 

 

III.

 

Philip wants to save people who aren’t meant to be saved. Unacceptable. You remind him of Protocol 3. The protocols are always running through your head. The director was adamant about following them, and for the most part, you’re adamant about following the Director. You figure it’s for the best, and if a little improvisation is required, well, nothing too terrible can happen. 

No, terrible things happen when your teammates lie and get everyone into danger. You go to investigate a rural couple who kidnapped a young child on Philip’s orders. Philip’s lies. Before long, bullets are flying, and you’ve killed another person.  _ That breaks protocol _ . The sentiment flashes through your mind after the blood is on the floor. The gun feels hot in your hands. You’ve never liked killing people, not really, but you’ve always been good at doing what needs to be done when it needs to be done. If it’s killing, so be it. 

Philip was shot, too. 

You try to feel sorry for him. The sentiment is real, to some extent. You feel for his situation and addiction, for his knowledge and expanded memory. The fading memories you have are plenty to give you nightmares. 

But you don’t stray from the mission. Hopefully he won’t either. 

You go home, take care of your son, and remind yourself of everything you’re fighting for.

 

IV.

 

Somedays, you wish your mind had been transferred into two bodies: one with which you would watch your son, the other for missions. It would make sneaking off with a case full of weapons much easier.

After you pick up the baby from his sitter, Jeff confronts you. If he knew who you really were and what you could do with a gun, he would have run weeks ago. You have to settle for a kick in the groin and a reminded that child support is needed. Reminders could be so much more exciting if you could do them  _ your  _ way. But Carly Shannon isn’t even supposed to be able to do this much. It’s constraining. Through Marcy, you figure out Jeff has been questioning everyone else.  _ He’ll have to go at some point _ .

There’s a mission, which means seeing MacLaren. Apparently, in this case, it also means seeing MacLaren almost blown up. You snap. Hall is in your direct line of sight and was at fault, so he gets the brunt of it. 

You meet him outside later. He talks about work and you talk about your child, but there’s an unspoken agreement there.  _ After.  _ It’s enough to keep you going. Enough to get you through being accused of irresponsibility, enough to get you through the handoff. 

He takes you home, and you go to your bed. It’s much too small for two people, but you make do, just as you always have. He’s doubting himself. Again. He thinks too much. You can see it in his worry lines and dark circles under his eyes. If you could kiss it all away, you would do it without hesitation, but you also know it’s impossible to love away all worry. 

 

V.

 

You’re driving. And then you’re in a wheelchair.

Your wrists are tied. Your throat is dry. Your head is bleeding. Heavily. It’s dripping into your eyes. Blurring your vision. But you can see Marcy. Unconscious. Philip. Unconscious. Trevor. Awake. 

You feel MacLaren’s absence like a missing limb. 

_ He doesn’t know that I’m gone _ . 

Then they take you. You thrash against your restraints, heart pounding. You’re small. In your original body, you had more muscle and bulk. You could’ve escaped. Now, you’re virtually helpless as they set you in front of a retro television.

_ Who have you told? _ You act like you don’t know what they’re getting after. 

You’re shown three pictures. Mr. Hall. MacLaren. Your heart stutters at that one. And Jeff. You identify him.

_ When are you from? _ Your heart thuds and you want out. Out of the wheelchair, out of the room, out of this small body.  _ What are the protocols? _ They show you a moving image of your child. Your last strand of composure snaps. 

They take you back. They take your teammates. They hurt them. Your rage grows. 

_ I have a plan _ , you think. Your head is spinning. Blood loss. You’ll pass out in a little bit.

You ask your captor to wipe blood from your eyes. As he foolishly does just that, you clamp your teeth around his wrist and dig into his veins. You can taste the salt and tang of his blood spilling into your mouth, and it’s absolutely disgusting, but it’s your only chance. They always did say that the smallest animals had the meanest bite. 

He falls. Dead. 

MacLaren rushes in. Gloriously alive. He holds you in his arms.

You’re safe.

  
  


VI.

 

You know what’s beginning. This is the mission you trained for, the one the Director chose when picking out the most important events to change. You’re honored to be a part of it, but you’re also terrified. 

Helios.

You drive to the plant to meet Delaney with MacLaren. He’s aloof. That doesn’t make you feel any better.  _ His wife _ , you think. You’ve never been the jealous type, but it makes your temper flare. What right did she have to him? She had a right to Grant MacLaren. Not the man you loved. 

Your job is to be the muscle. You unload the guns and feel at ease. This is what will protect the future. That, and you directing any non-travelers away.  _ People sure are persistent.  _ Your reinforcements arrive in the form of a busload of senior citizens. In any other situation, it would be hilarious, but the future’s at risk.

As MacLaren leaves to track down Delaney (creating more time where you have to divert others), you can’t help but think about Trevor’s question from days ago: would you have done this if the risks were greater? Absolutely. Back when you were alone, you would’ve jumped off a cliff given the right dare or to prove someone wrong. Now, you have people to worry about. Your son. MacLaren. Is it good that things changed? That one isn’t so easy.

MacLaren kisses you, you flee with the team and Delaney, and the antimatter detonates. You’re still here. You’re all still here. The questions remains, as well: What now?

 

VII.

 

Helios could have been your last mission. You have a thousand questions for MacLaren, but he doesn’t seem to want to answer any of them.  _ Do I mean nothing to you? _

You’re a little bitter about missions ending. Everyone else has a strong support system to return to. Marcy has David, Trevor has his parents and friends, and MacLaren has his wife. That one leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. Hell, even Philip has his lawyer. You? Nobody.

You were never a maternal person. You were just good at doing what needed to be done. That’s what made you an extremely talented tactician. None of those skills were useful in raising an infant. Alone.

And he won’t stop crying. You could beg, scream, cry, and he would keep crying. 

Suddenly, you see words on the television.  _ When are you from? _

_ They’re coming for me,  _ you think. You look at your son. Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you won’t protect him with your life. You turn the television off, but it turns itself back on. You see yourself in real time.

_ There’s a camera.  _ As soon as you found it, you were going to make them think twice about crossing you again. You search, and search, and search, and then there’s a knock. 

Your first instinct is to grab a gun. That should frighten you. It doesn’t. Not after what you’ve seen. It’s only a woman from child services.  _ Damn _ . Jeff’s work, then. You don’t want this woman in your house, not with the state you’re in. It could all be a sham, too. You aren’t going to risk the safety of you and your child.

Belatedly, you realize that shutting the door in her face probably didn’t help your case. 

_ It’s fine.  _ You heat up baby food, and your hands shake. It’s eerily quiet as you feed him. It was never quiet when there were missions. 

You wonder if you’ll see MacLaren again. 

 

VIII.

 

There’s another mission, but you don’t see him immediately. Instead, you get ready for your custody hearing. No matter what, you aren’t giving away that child. Marcy doesn’t understand. She’s thinking about the mission and thinks you should, too, but she doesn’t understand. She has someone who supports her.

You wish MacLaren would come with you.

Jeff accuses you of being a sex worker. You’re better than he could ever hope to be. You can feel Philip panicking next to you, but that doesn’t stop you from shouting at Jeff.

Murder would be easy. You know how you would do it: slowly. 

For a moment, you think you’ve lost it, but then your social worker calls and says she wants to help you. She suggests getting a job, and you agree passionately, only thinking about the missions after you hang up. 

You’re glad you made the decision you did. It’s not like your team understood your situation. You didn’t give birth to the child, but you feel attached to him. If you hadn’t taken Carly’s body, Jeff would have been a murderer. He still was, but only you know that. Your baby would have been placed in the foster care system or up for adoption. You know what it feels like not to have anyone in your corner.

As MacLaren deals with a situation involving a rogue traveler, you wish he would act like he did in your past. You would settle for how he acted in the days after your arrival. Instead, you cast a vote for a man to die and don’t see MacLaren until another mission comes. 

 

IX.

 

You’re going to make a life for yourself here for you and your son. 

Your hands shake as you dress nicely for a job interview. This could be both a beginning and an end. Nobody on the team would approve of you doing this. But you never asked for their approval, only their support in missions. 

With enough time, maybe you could forget you didn’t come from here. It would have been easier if you gave up your child. Less weaknesses, less distractions, less to worry about during missions. You wouldn’t though. He’s a part of being Carly Shannon. 

You get the job all by yourself. There’s a sense of pride there. You’re a fighter - you fought for this and won. 

You lose the job with Jeff’s help. It would be fair if MacLaren helped you. But he refuses to do anything. 

Looks like you’re on your own again. Nothing new. You’ve handled yourself before and you will again. 

You talk to Jeff. He wants you. That can’t happen. 

You call MacLaren. No answer. 

You leave the baby with Jeff and go see Philip. Ask when MacLaren will be back. 

Realize that he very possibly won’t.

You don’t think you’ve truly been afraid until this moment. Through the uncertainty of arrival and worry that he may not love you in this century and kidnapping and torture, you haven’t felt fear coursing through your veins the way it did in your past. 

The four of you rush out to the field and moments pass in a blur. You want to wake up with him next to you. If this was a dream, you would be eternally grateful to whatever force gave him back to her.  _ I don’t want to save the world without you _ . Perhaps it would be nobler to do this in his name, yet nobility perished a long time ago. 

The blazing plane smashes to the ground. You run. Your heart is burning. Your heart could be burning.

They take him away. Away from you. 

Trevor keeps you away from him.

You don’t scream. You don’t cry. But your head feels full enough to explode.

_ Damn it, MacLaren _ , you think.  _ Did you even think about me? _

 

X.

 

He’s a damn fool.

A damn fool who held a middle finger up to history and put himself in the tail section of a crashing plane with barely a prayer. Not that you have much faith in God, though. Neither of you do.

You watch as he hangs between life and death. You can’t do much. Just watch. Not show too much emotion. You’re good at that. You sacrifice what you feel, give the urge to run in there and resuscitate him with her bare hands to the dust. 

So you wait. 

The others come and go. Trevor’s growing organs. Philip’s making arrangements. Marcy’s operating. You’re waiting. What good is a fighter when there’s nothing left to break?

_ Don’t leave me here.  _ They could do this without him. One of them would step up to be the leader. You couldn’t. Well, you could, because you’re highly trained, but you still remember the feeling of his hands on your body, both in your past and now.  _ Stay. _

He flutters in and out, and your heart flutters with him. Your emotions shouldn’t be doing this. You’re a fucking trained fighter and you’re fretting over one person. You shouldn’t feel like this, not after everything you’ve been through.

But when he pulls through, props himself up to maintain the facade, reliefs drags you down, and suddenly, you feel very, very human. 

  
XI.

 

You couldn’t give two damns about the missions when your social worker calls and says that Jeff could get custody of your son. 

You want him to hit you. To lash out and show the fangs you know he has. It’ll only sting for a second. You’re right in front of a camera. So you poke and prod at every little insecurity he has, striking in the places you know will hurt most like the fighter you are. But he isn’t stupid, sadly. He lets you go, and he takes your baby. 

Maybe that’s why you’re already in a bad mood when you get to the farm. Marcy has a choice in this, and MacLaren isn’t putting the mission first. You tell him so. 

_ Why?  _ You want to ask.  _ Why will you put her ahead of the missions, but not me? Am I not a priority for you? Do I mean anything to you? _ She’s been left to do so many things on her own, yet Marcy has a choice. You don’t get choices as a soldier. You make sacrifices. 

Your resolve is softened when Marcy clutches her head and screams out in pain. She emerges with no memory. 

When you watch David walk through the door, your heart aches for the both of them. She doesn’t know what she lost, but his burden is bigger. He’ll look at her every day and know what was between them and wonder how he can get it back. 

She would know a thing or two about that.

 

XII.

 

It’s hard to say where your son became as important as the future you came here to save, but all you know is that Jeff is right up there with the monsters you saw your past (their future), and that your child deserves a chance. When you hold him, you feel like you have a purpose. Like you’re working for someone, not just a nameless, faceless crowd. 

You beg MacLaren to help you. He refuses. Rudely.  _ This world is going to take him from me,  _ you think.  _ After everything I gave to him, it’s going to rip him away. _

Give, take. It’s all you do, lately. You give yourself to the mission, the world takes your child. You give yourself to MacLaren, he tries to take himself away by means of a fucking airplane crash. Maybe the problem is that nobody wants what you’re giving.

But you can’t give time to thoughts like that. 

Later, a girl attacks you. You fight with all you have, but she bests you.

A shot. She falls. You stand.

Jeffrey’s behind you, gun still raised, breathing heavily and trying to corroborate his story with you. And suddenly, you think,  _ This is my chance.  _ You’re in control now. Nobody else saw. So you run, and for the first time in weeks, you feel powerful.

And power is like a high. When you drive out to the farm with MacLaren, you kiss him. You haven’t kissed him in ages, and even though he’s in a different body, you would know him no matter what face he wore. 

But then, because the universe isn’t through with you, he takes himself from you. He says it never could have lasted. But you were willing to try. Because he’s him, and you would do anything for him.

Even defy the Director, so it seems. Your gun is pointed at his head, but you can’t. You won’t. No matter how much he trusts in the plans, you can’t believe that the Director would will this. 

When Trevor is laying on the ground gasping for air, the Director is coming through unknown technology, and the FBI is swarming the building, you only look at him.

And you give him your trust. 


	5. MacLaren//3468

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last one! I'd love to hear any thoughts

I.

 

You’re here.

Your team is in front of you. A teenager.  _ Trevor. _ A kid with bags under his eyes and long hair.  _ Philip.  _ A blonde girl with wide eyes. _ Marcy _ . And a small woman with curly hair and a tentative gaze.  _ 3465\. Carly.  _

“I see we all made it,” you say. Try to sound confident. Like you won’t be playing at being another man. You have to believe in the plan. “Let’s begin.”

You’re really here. 

 

II.

 

You’re here, and she’s beautiful. Carly, now. You ask her how she feels about older men, half-joking. But your connection runs deeper than just the physical.  _ She still wants me _ . 

She left the future before you. You remember the defiant glare in her eyes as she prepared to leave. “I’ll be alright,” she told you. You were crying, she wasn’t. All you could think about misfires and the danger. Your others three team members - Marcy, Trevor, and Carly - were already there. You two were the only ones left. 

“Get there safely,” you told her.

She wiped away your tears. She had always been stronger. “Same for you.”

Now you’re with her again, and the first mission goes smoothly. You have the anti-matter. When you drop her off, she kisses you and you know it’s her. 

You meet Kathryn. Kat, apparently. She seems lovely, but you’re still distracted. Kat. You’ll remember that. 

When the mission goes to shit, you talk to Officer Boyd about what you should do, breaking Protocol 6 on your first outing. Great. That’ll put you in good favor with the director. 

There’s still anti-matter to take care of, though. You’re put into contact with a Dr. Delaney, and she knows you aren’t FBI. That’s alright, though. She won’t tell everyone. 

You go home, and soon, there’s a child at your door. She tells you that although you went off-course, your actions were acceptable.  _ Damn right they were acceptable.  _ You don’t say that aloud, though. You have to maintain trust in the director. 

  
  


III.

 

You should have sensed there would be trouble when Philip began suggesting saving people that shouldn’t have been saved. He’s more sensitive to this than the rest of the team.

You have other things to worry about, such as navigating your relationships with Forbes and Kat. Thankfully, you aren’t incredibly different than MacLaren. Perhaps you would have been friends with him, had things been different. 

However, your skepticism should have kicked into gear when Philip received a message about a mission rather than you. Saving a kidnapped child. While every child is important, it doesn’t seem all that impactful on the future. 

You do find the child. Aleksander. The director takes control of his brain to tell you that you’re off-mission, and you can feel your control slipping through your fingers. Philip grabs the child to protect him, and you’re forced to shoot the kidnappers.  _ Good riddance _ , you think even as you panic about being off-mission. Before the FBI arrives, you ask the child to lie. It’s a big thing to ask. He’ll have to fabricate a story for the rest of his life, but it’s a small price for his life.

Back in the garage, Philip recovers from his gunshot wound and you learn the truth about his addiction. A small crack in your faith forms.  _ The director isn’t supposed to make mistakes like this _ . But even the best can’t contend with lies to protect human pride. Maybe if the original Philip Pearson’s parents would have confronted their son’s issues, he would have lived. But that isn’t for you, or anyone else on your team, for that matter, to decide. All you can do is protect the team you have now. 

 

IV.

 

Predictably, everything goes to shit during a shoot-out. You think it’s routine FBI stuff, but when you approach one of the dying criminals, he starts spewing off messages from the Director.  _ Damn it _ . Why were travelers being pursued by the FBI?

You lie to Forbes and tell them you’ll go after the men who escaped, but you really call Philip and Marcy. There’s no way you’re doing this alone. 

When you reach the traveler you need to assist, it’s one of the men from the crime scene. You want to laugh and pull out your hair simultaneously. You never expected the twenty-first to be a walk in the park, but you also expected more heroics and less assisting men wanted by the FBI. Standard things. 

So maybe you shouldn’t be shocked when you learn that traveler teams often turn on each other, either team versus team or conflict within the team. Expecting the unexpected seems like a surefire way to know what’s coming. 

You lie to Forbes about everything. It leaves a bad taste in your mouth, but you have to do it. The problem is that Forbes is no slouch: he already found Hall and Luca, so you have to act concerned and proper.  _ I should make movies _ , you think. You’ve seen quite a few since coming to the twenty-first. 

Your thoughts are cut short when the building explodes, and later, you lay into Hall. You won’t accept someone coming to you for assistance and endangering you and your team. When you leave to get some air with Carly, you calm down considerably. She’s a firecracker, but she’s always had that effect on you. You miss her, which is strange, since you see her all the time, but you can’t help it.

Hall says you don’t know whose side you’re on. He also says you should kill Forbes. You’re a lot of things, but you aren’t a murderer. You won’t stoop that low. For a moment, you think you will. You inhale. But you don’t. You exhale. 

You send your team a message. Carly hears you record it. She tells you that you did the right thing. And for a moment, everything is okay. 

 

V.

 

They disappear from right under your damn nose.

You don’t even realize your entire team is gone until David, a damn civilian, calls you worried about Marcy. That prompts you to check in. Nothing. Radio silence.

So you start the search. 

As you look, you imagine finding their bodies. Or never finding their bodies. You don’t know what would be worse. What a legend you would be - the leader who lost his entire team. 

You worry about Carly the most. You shouldn’t, but you do. Because she makes you feel like this is more than a mission for an abstract purpose. She makes everything real, and now she’s gone. 

David worries about Marcy, calling you for updates. It’s annoying and reassuring. You want him to go away. You’re glad there’s someone who cares about her. You hope you find something to return to him.

And you find them. Your blood boils. They’re in cages, tied to wheelchairs, IVs jammed haphazardly into their arms. Philip’s slumped over. Trevor’s shouting. Marcy’s pale. And Carly, Carly has blood all over her damn face. You want to take her away from all this. To hold her, wash away the hurt. She was tortured, and killed the man who did it. You’re proud. 

Everyone thinks it was a test. You’re inclined to agree. 

You’ll protect her in the future. You’ll protect all of them. 

 

VI.

 

Kat is sweet. You generally like her, what she does is interesting, and you definitely want her to stay safe from all of this. You can respect making old things new again. She can’t respect you missing dinner again. It’s necessary, though: this is the big one. 

Your team is nowhere near acceptable state. They’ve been tortured and interrogated. They shouldn’t be expected to do impossible things when they’re still injured, but you all understand that missions come before everything. 

You drive to the plant with Carly. She’s worried about her son, but that isn’t an issue at the moment. She seems to take offense to that. Strange. She was always the one most focused on the mission back in training. 

Dr. Delaney is a key part to all of this, so of course something goes wrong on her end. You have to zap the guards unconscious, which is more of an inconvenience than anything. You have no qualms with using force to save the world. Sacrifice is key in missions like these. Hell, you could even be sacrificing your own birth. You knew what you were signing up for. 

When you get inside, Dr. Delaney is still MIA. You’ll figure it out. Back-up plan.

Apparently, that attitude has made you famous back in your time. Infamous, really, according to Bloom. You don’t see how getting things accomplished is a bad thing.

There’s no time to reflect on that - getting Delaney is the most important thing, and you use FBI authority to do that. You were lucky to be an FBI agent - most travelers weren’t so fortunate. 

You could die at any moment. You’re reminded of that as you kiss Carly, as you flee the plant to save Delaney, as your heart thuds as the antimatter detonates. With a single explosion, it’s over. You blink, expecting to be eradicated from time. 

Moments pass. Everyone is still there.

Did it work? You don’t know. But you can hope.

 

VII.

 

Helios could have been it. You look around the room. Philip, Trevor, Marcy, and Carly. They’ll all go back to a normal existence and the memories will dim. Well, maybe for everyone except Philip. They could fall out of contact. Live individually with no reunion. 

For some reason, it hurts to accept this.

Maybe that’s why you can’t sleep. Maybe the not-sleeping is why you don’t exactly appreciate a being led to a surprise party and thinking it was an ambush. You still aren’t feeling right. You hear and see things, things you shouldn’t be seeing. A crowd of people in rags, particularly. You speak about family, and Carly’s face is in mind. Everyone looks slightly disturbed, but it’s nothing compared to how you feel.

When you get home, Kat is angry. You make love to her because you don’t want to talk. You don’t see her, though, don’t feel anything. She’s 3465, and they’re back in their own bodies.  _ I love you _ . Maybe you say it aloud. Maybe you don’t. You feel it deep within you, though. Your love for her endured body swaps and time travel, impossible things. She is still possible, though. 

Everything is wrong. You want missions, but you don’t want missions. You want to see your team, but you don’t want to intrude. You want to sleep, but… well, you just want to sleep. To sleep without dreaming of his past.

When a mission comes, you can’t help but feel glad.

 

VIII.

 

You’re supposed to greet another team, but something goes wrong, which is just the start to an unsettling chain of events. When you investigate with the FBI, you find all the girls dead. A girl gives a name that was already running through your head: Donner. 

You pursue him because you know who he really is. The director doesn’t make mistakes - there are misfires, yes, and situations like Philip’s, but for the most part, your faith is solid. 

Donner doesn’t seem to know who he is, and knocks you out.  _ Shit,  _ you think as you fade.  _ Something is really wrong.  _ It’s expected. Nothing can ever go smoothly. 

When you wake up, Forbes has him.

After that, you make a point to get to him first and ask him about the travelers. He maintains his act, and you can feel your blood pressure rising. This man is a risk to them all. He can’t let him endanger everyone.

When the lawyer reveals that Donner repeated everything he said and requested an audience with the DA, your head throbs even more. It’s just another situation to deal with, but you’re sick of nothing being to protocol. Maybe it’s revenge for all the times your team blatantly ignored the rules. 

You’re two steps ahead, though, so you sit calmly in the DA’s office.  _ Don’t do this _ , he wills Donner. You don’t want to take a life today.

He doesn’t give any other option when he reveals that he is a traveler and will give away every mission plan and name.  _ Not my team _ . 

He is overridden, and your heart hurts just as terribly as your head still does. 

The new traveler reveals that the future is worse, and that night, you don’t sleep.  _ Does any of this matter?  _ What was the point of risking injury, death, and at worse, being the subject of an experiment every day if nothing was to come from it?  _ Trust in the director,  _ a voice says.  _ The directors knows what to do. Always.  _

What shakes you is that you aren’t so sure anymore.

 

IX.

 

Jeff visits you.  _ What a dick _ , you think, but nod politely and act the part. You’re getting better at being him. Eerily, you haven’t had to adjust must. He’s a bit more sarcastic, feels a bit more deeply, but you identify with the man. You manage to get him away.  _ Carly deserves an award for dealing with that.  _

Later, you find a package in your car with a mysterious item. Your first instinct is to take it to Philip, but he can’t make heads or tails of it. It can’t be too dangerous if it came from the director, so you follow the directions and keep it on your body. 

A mission comes up. Or, more accurately, walks right into your car. You’ll be going onto a plane, which feels you with a sense of fear and anticipation (like many things in this century - how did the human race even survive?).

So you get on the plane and sit next to the senator you’re tasked with saving. Bishop. Just another man.

And Kat is just a woman. A woman on this plane, apparently. She thought you were cheating, but she apologizes profusely. You want to worry about this, but the plane quakes and the flight attendant worries. This is very, very bad. 

Bad goes to worse when Trevor informs you that the plane crashes and everyone on board dies. Worse goes to horrific when you realize your mission is to save yourself and Bishop - not Kat.  _ She wasn’t supposed to be here. This wasn’t her fate _ . She would be a casualty of time travel. 

Not on your watch.

When you accept that you can’t fit three people in the device, you know there’s only one option. You push Kat and Bishop into a corner with the device and say your goodbyes. 

Then you go to the tail section. Hope Philip remembered correctly. Tuck your head down. You would pray, if you still believed in a God. Maybe you could pray to the director. Would that work?

_ It will be what it will be _ . You close your eyes.  _ 3465\. Carly.  _ You hope to live. 

You know it’s not probable. 

You hope you will die for something. 

 

X.

 

He’s still there. Grant MacLaren. 

Before you came, you studied your host’s life. To be him, you had to know him. But only when your life is hanging in a fragile balance do you realize that profiles aren’t enough to know anyone. Facts, dates, numbers, statistics - they have no voice. Memories speak. They whisper of love and nicknames and information he never could have had because he wasn’t there. Nobody was, except Kat and MacLaren. The real MacLaren.

_ I really loved you _ , you tell Kat. You wonders if this is how Philip feels after using heroin, shaky yet ready to soar. You understand how it can be addicting. 

She corrects you. And she’s right. He did love her, and you’re just playing at being him. He’s convenient, and to be Grant MacLaren, Kat is part of the deal. Maybe you feel something for her, but it’s confusing. And even though you’re a traveler, you don’t have nearly enough time to ponder your feelings, because they’re pulling you out, dressing you, getting you ready to put on a show for Forbes.

And once again, you play the part. For him, for Kat. And when she slams the bathroom door in your face, the confusing feeling is there again, but he is gone for good. 

 

 

XI. 

 

Marcy is hospitalized. You didn’t know of her condition. You should have. Now that you do, though, you’re going to save her. She basically brought you back from the dead. It’s the least you can do. 

You should be alarmed at how much you break protocol, but you aren’t. You contact Officer Boyd, and she agrees to help Marcy. David agrees to get her out of the hospital.  _ That man loves her _ , he thought.  _ That’s breaking protocol.  _ But was it, really? Part of his duty was to maintain his relationship with Kat. It wasn’t really love.  _ Or so I tell myself _ . 

You can’t forget the mission, though. Never can. Greet Traveller 0014. One of the higher-ups. You meet both him and Grace, Trevor’s former counselor, where she informs them of a way to help Marcy.

You understand love, so you give her a choice. Because it’s plain as day that she loves him. Carly calls him a bad leader for it. Maybe he was. But he owes Marcy his life. The least he can do is give her a choice about hers.

She wants to talk to David. Grace doesn’t give her a choice. 

You tell her that she’s close to David. You hope she pieces together the rest. 

When you go home to Kat, you think of Carly, too, and don’t sleep. 

 

XII.

 

You think of Grant MacLaren’s memories when you tell Kat you’ve been cheating on her. It hurts. He never would have done that. You know it, she thought she knew it. 

It’s just the beginning. 

Officer Boyd tries to kill you. Part of a mission, she says. She doesn’t fully believe it, so you shoot her in the bulletproof vest she’s wearing.

Something isn’t right. 

You want Kat gone. No matter what, she didn’t deserve this.

You want Carly. You do. But you can’t. You’ve realized this. The look in her eyes is cold, and you want that to disappear. You know that you can want and want and get nothing in return, so you have to act. The mission has to come first, as it’s bigger than two people. 

And then everyone has a gun out and Carly’s is pointed at your head. You want to believe in the Director, to believe in the plan, but something feels off. You don’t know if you should trust Grace and Ellis, and you don’t know if you should trust the Director. You’re about to decide, and then Trevor’s on the ground with a bullet in his stomach and Forbes bursts through the door.  _ I could have killed him _ , you think.  _ He’s a good agent.  _ But he’s also a good man, and sadly enough, you like to think that you are. Maybe if you weren’t, this would all be easier. 

You want to return to another time. You want this to be simple. 

Instead, you keep eye contact with your partner and hope Kat is far away from here. 

 


End file.
